Wake Up Older
by x Conspiracy x
Summary: Bad habbits die hard... Marissa POV


**Wake Up Older**

**Summary**: Bad habits die hard…

**Rating: **PG-13 … because I'm scared of the things I may do…

**Disclaimer: **If I owned _The OC _… Olivia Wilde would have a ten year contract… :sigh:

**A/N: **Drabble, drabble, drabble (well, long drabble haha)… that's all I'm capable of writing after the saddening departure of my favorite –er, one of them- character… at least Seth and Summer are still here, keeping my heart in tact… I love Seth. But I greatly miss Alex. Oh yeah… reviews are nice things. The song? _Wake Up Older _By Julie Roberts…

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**_Oh the things lovers do when it's over. Oh the things lovers do when it's done. Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder, wake up older and try to move on…_**

I guess you could say that I was afraid- afraid of rejection, afraid of being different, afraid of not having the money to fall back on. If you asked anyone, though, they'd tell you that it was a phase and I was just trying to piss my mother off. They'd tell you I realized this and got out before it got worse. But they were wrong- they were all so wrong. And now I'm stuck in Hell with my good friends Jim and the Captain, drunker than I've been since I met her.

When I heard the knock on the door, I knew I should tell him to go away because I was in no state to see him now. But of course I didn't. Seconds later I was so numb that I could barely feel him pull me up and wrap his arms around me. I was so numb that I couldn't feel my lips pressing furiously against his, and so numb that I couldn't feel him tense up from the surprise. I didn't feel his hard muscles under my hands as they slid up and down his chest, and I didn't feel him lift my shirt over my head.

I did however feel _her_ touch, _her_ hot breath heavily coating my neck, and _her_ soft hands sliding up and down my inner thighs. I felt _her_ touch, _her_ embrace, _her_ warmth, _her _love. But it wasn't her. Deep down I knew it wasn't- no, I had screwed that up. Deep down I knew it was him… I knew I was back to my old ways.

The night went by in a blur, my body and mind too numb to feel anything, to do anything. I don't know if he realized it- I think he was just happy that we were "back together". At least, for all he knew we were.

When I woke up later that night, my mind was a bit blank… that was, until I felt a sleeping body beside me. I prayed and hoped that everything had been a nightmare… that I was lying in _her _arms in _our _bed. I hoped that when I turned around there would be a sea of blonde hair surrounding me, and _her_ delicate arms would be wrapped tightly around my waist. I was afraid to turn and see that it wasn't her… that it was _him. _

Silently I slipped out of the bed, noticing it was nearly two thirty in the morning, and walked across to the metal flask that was awaiting me. I heard him shift and groan a bit, but he was back to sleep in mere seconds. I placed the cool container to my lips and felt the liquid burn down my throat. Putting it down, I hurried to my closet and quickly dressed. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I couldn't stay here.

As I climbed into the car, memories of her swept over me. Her face flashed in my mind and her voice echoed in my ears. Thoughts of the last time we spoke played over and over again in my head, and before I knew it, my car was parked outside her apartment. It was dark inside, and I wasn't sure if she had left. After all, it had been weeks since I came to get my things. Leaving her was the hardest thing I had ever done, and seeing her pleading face as I closed that apartment door for the last time was something that would haunt me forever.

Without thinking, I parked the car and before I knew it I was standing in the darkened one bedroom apartment with tears streaming down my cheeks. I saw her couch sitting there, and knew she hadn't gone back to LA yet. The thought crossed my mind that she had lied about leaving to make me feel better- to make it easier for me. It wasn't easier though- it was Hell. I walked back to her bedroom and noticed she wasn't home. There were, however boxes lining the walls, stacked full of her things. Maybe she was serious about moving… Soon, I walked back out and lay down on the couch, not really sure why I was still there. Her smell intoxicated me as I breathed in deeply, and my eyes became heavy, falling shut within seconds. I fell asleep with visions of her dancing in my head…

Hours later I was startled awake by the slamming of the front door and a loud gasp. I would gasp too if my ex-girlfriend whom I hadn't spoken to for weeks was asleep on my couch at 4:30 in the morning. Without another word I stood up and strode across the room, my lips now inches from hers. She looked at me with confusion in her eyes as I inched closer, grazing our lips. I felt the tingles shoot up and down my spine at the slight touch, and I knew that this is what I wanted.

I knew she could taste the alcohol and the sex as we kissed, growing more passionate by the minute. But something told me she didn't care when I the words _' I love you Marissa' _vibrated through my mouth.

**_Slept in my makeup. Didn't get my teeth brushed. Crashed on the couch and now my mouth tastes like yesterday's news…_**

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**A/N: **Feedback makes me smile


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